Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
