I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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