U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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