So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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