The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
