The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
