He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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