I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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