i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
