I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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