i think my mom watched the whole time
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
