I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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