ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
