I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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