yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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