hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
