nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize