Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
