I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize