VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
