Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
