As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
