Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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