Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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