she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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