grandma shit on top of the toilet
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
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