That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
