Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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