Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
