I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
