I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
