So drunk its hurt
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
