Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
