he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The cops high fived after they tackled you
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
