she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He did a backflip because drugs
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