I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
whose parrot is this?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
