Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
