Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize