i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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