I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
