When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
