Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
