I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you have to choose: penises or morals?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
