it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
