I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize