You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
