i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
