I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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