2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
