i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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