i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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