we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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