I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
