why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
