If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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