Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
