i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
