Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
