This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
