Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
