Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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