im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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