He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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