All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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