walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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