got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
