That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize