He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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