I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
