You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
