This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
