we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
