Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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