Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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