dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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