We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
