It's like a parade of train wrecks.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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