good thing vaginas are great cup holders
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
