I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
