you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
