There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
