someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
