after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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