He uses pillows to masturbate.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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