If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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