Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
