I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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