He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
