Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
