i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just threw up on my dentist
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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