I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
