The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
