It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
