hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
