I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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