I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
A bitchslap is in order.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
