when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
