dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
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