just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
