I look better un-naked...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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