wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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