she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
