i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
