watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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