all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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