I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
