i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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