He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
